Someone was so rude just now, with no apparent reason, I’m going to be rude back ! No, wait, maybe has nothing to do with you… was it a misunderstanding? did i touch a nerve?
These are some notes of my learning on understanding people.
Introverts vs Extroverts
People tend naturally to be either one. There is different levels of mix of these for each person, and also extreme cases of extroverts and introverts.
Introverts (when compared to extroverts)
By definition is directing interests and behavior towards oneself. And less to the exterior. Need quiet, alone, time. Tend to think more before speaking.
Extroverts (when compared to introverts)
By definition is directing interests and behavior towards others and external environment Need people around. Better at faster and confident decisions on a deadline without complete information.
Selling, Marketing, is definitely a world where extroversion is key advantage.
Cultures are different
US is known to be a center of extroverts Finland is known to be a center of introverts HBS seems to be a school of extroverts (that incentives / teaches extroversion)
Danger of extroverts
Extroverts, naturally, will get their way more often (when compared to introverts). Extroverts speak up first and more loudly in meetings.
Starting with the premise that extroverts and introverts have the same likelihood of being right (or wrong).
This means that more often bad ideas / solutions will win and prevail because they were argued by extroverts.
Reference - Book “Quiet: the Power of the Introverts”
Categorizing people in 4 areas
Take this with a grain of salt, is a strong simplification / model. Models are always wrong to a certain degree, but can be useful if applied to right situation.
Every person has always a bit of each category, but some people will be more heavy on a particular one, or even in 2.
- red: think angry, ready for an argument, writes in CAPS LOCK, power, control, approach you very directly
- yellow: think sun, happy, enthusiast, positive, friendly, extroverted
- green: think grounded, calm, caring, democratic, desire for understanding, supporter, helper
- blue: think blueprint, numbers, facts, very analytical, all about the numbers, not emotional, introverted.
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There are common traits that our body does naturally when happy, sad, scared, etc… But everybody might be by default slightly different, so is very important first to understand the normal baseline. And then look for changes to that baseline, those will be the tell signs.
- Open up when: happy, welcoming, want see more of it.
- Closing (squinting): hiding something, not liking someone, lying.
- Not looking: avoiding, very unpleasant.
- Crossed arms signals defense, not being comfortable, not liking something, position of strength.
- press lips = protection, discomfort
Massaging head is used to calm down, is often a signal of discomfort (to calm down from discomfort).
- itching head = discomfort
- rub back of the neck = discomfort
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